yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
