guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
