I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She told me I should be a condom model.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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