I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
