I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My sheets look like a crime scene.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
