I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
