i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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