Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
