I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
