I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
