i may or may not be watching the land before time
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
