Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
