I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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