i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
