I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
