theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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