Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
