woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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