So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
