i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
