it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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