im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
