In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
