I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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