Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
