He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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