My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
