I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
