if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
