fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
