apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
