omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
