if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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