Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
