u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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