He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
