Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
