woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
