I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
