Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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