i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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