Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
