weddingsv make me drug and hornr
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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