I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
