no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
