I wish my penis had an off switch
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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