we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
