whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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