If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
