I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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