Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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