haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
