I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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