I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Your tits are I can't wait for
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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