This is not my ceiling
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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