Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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