You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have fence marks all over my body
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
