Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
