Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yo dont text me then not text me
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
