if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize