I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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