He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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