So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
zippers are such a cool invention
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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