my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
