Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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