So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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