The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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