I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My hand turned me down
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm just crazy horny about you
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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