My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
