I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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