You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
