i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
