Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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