Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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